Creative Streak - V.19 .+***+. SkullBunny .+***+.

Thursday, February 28, 2008, 9:49 PM

Feelings

I returned from the Sunnyrivers Hospital(not real name, just another cover up like the rest).

We had to wait half an hour until we could go in.

The nurse said me and my bro had to stay outside. They won't allow kids in there.

I was really confused. I felt sad, too...

"She's your mother, but she treated you terribly. Now that she's in critical condition...how do you feel...?"

Um...confused. Very confused.

I've hated her ever since I was born. She never treated me right. She never treated anyone right, actually. My mom just lied to people about how great a mother she is and so on.

When she's just with us kids, she'd just nag at us. She would never show affection or kindness.

A cold hearted woman.

I never felt affection for her, either.

But now that all this has happened...I actually feel bad for her.

I actually want her to stay alive when I wanted her to be out of my life.

This is super confusing...

I feel terrible and sad.

Dad saw what happened to Mom. She looked ok. No blood. She broke her leg, though.
I think my dad said she was wearing bandages around her head and she was in some sort of...coma.

I've never felt like this for my mom, ever.

It's such a new feeling.

It's also the most painful and confusing one I've had today.

Why?

Why did Mom have to get hurt?

Why is life so hard?

Why live in a world when no one is happy in it?

♥, Yuki

P.S. Look at the post below if your confuzzled like me. It tells you the details of what happened etc.

5:58 PM

Confusion

My mom got hit by a car.

She's in the hospital right now.

I don't know what to do, I don't think I could do anything actually.

Dad said her lungs collapsed. She's using a respirator right now and isn't conscience.

"Do you want to go see your mother?", Dad asked.
I thought for a moment.
"She is my mother after all. I guess I should."

Dad will be driving me to the hospital later on.

I just don't know what to say. I feel so confused.

My real mother has never been kind to me, and so includes my past stepmoms. But I feel that if I go visit my mom, I'll be doing the right thing.

Dad says that I am doing the right thing. In the future I won't regret this.

I also visited the counselor again. She wants me to join programs.

You know, the kinds related to my interests.

But I don't think that would make me feel any less confused then I am now.

I'll tell you what happens later.

♥, Yuki

P.S. I guess that was more of a hiatus then a close down.

So I'll be blogging again.

I'll just take short breaks.

Saturday, February 2, 2008, 10:01 PM

I've Thought...

Well, ok. I don't want to delete this site.

But I don't want to update it, either.

So I'll keep it.

But I'm putting a huge sign above the posts that says that this site is DEAD, and that they can visit my active site, Pixel Pop.

So I'm sorry if I made anyone sad or anything.

You can post all you want on my CBox. I'll reply.

But I won't update.

THIS SITE IS DEAD.

...BUT IT'S STILL OPEN TO PUBLIC.

:)

Cya.

♥, Yuki

Friday, February 1, 2008, 6:53 PM

Reasons

Suuchi, Suki and many other people that have seen my blog all say I should delete it.

"It's unsafe! You're saying waaay to much about yourself and your private life!"
"You do know that people realize your a helpless girl that can be easily tracked down and kidnapped right?"
"Seriously, stop blogging. You're saying too much."

The negative comments go on and on and on...

"Why believe what they say? It's what you think that counts."

I actually believe what they're saying.

I am saying too much and I am an easy target.

There are more reasons why I'm deleting this:

1. I don't want to write in my blog anymore.
2. I've realized I'm saying way too much about my self and that I'm an easy target.
3. I don't want to stay in touch with people so much anymore.
4. Doing this is dangerous.

Those are all the reasons I can think of.

I don't know what to do.

I'm getting more depressed then ever. I want to be alone more.

"Exercise, do a hobby, DO SOMETHIN', MAN!!!"

None of those things make me happy. They just give me something to do for a while and the exercises just make me sweaty.

I do them alone anyway.

Which sucks.

I have mixed feelings about society.

Spending time with people is fun, it makes me happy.

On the other hand, I sometimes regret hanging with this person and just avoid them.

This stupid depression is TAKING OVER MY LIFE.

The counselors and social workers are no help to me. They just make me join programs and such. And I haven't even gotten into one of them.

I hate this.

And I feel like a bad influence to people, too.

Suuchi and I had a fight once because of my temper and my urge to be alone.

Her parents are afraid that I'm a bad influence to her.

They don't want me to talk about my life in front of her.

I hate my life so much.

I'm still thinking about suicide, yet I don't have the courage to do something like this.

I don't want to hurt anyone, yet if I keep living I only hurt myself more.

I'm confused, afraid, and depressed.

Though I'm not quitting the website building!

I guess I will just stick to my pixel site.

Instead of being known as the unfortunate loser who blogs, I'm just the anonymous pixel girl.

That's pretty much it.

Later.

♥, Yuki